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Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Forgive the Unforgivable. How?
Jennifer Lauck
Author, 'Blackbird'
To forgive was to be divine and as a child, among my spanking clean brethren, I did forgive all those who had trespassed against me. As time passed though, the trespasses seemed to add up faster than my ability to forgive and pretty soon I was buried in what had gone wrong. That's when I started to wonder: just what was the point of wiping the slate clean? Cynicism set in.
The question of forgiveness has come up for me a lot these days. Along with millions of other couples out there in the U.S., a country that suffers from a startling divorce rate, I'm in the middle of couples counseling with my husband. We are determined to save our marriage. For him it's number two. For me, number three. The statistics aren't on our side. Second and third marriages have even higher failure rates than first marriages, according to Elizabeth Gilbert, who penned the book Committed about her own second marriage.
This thought was the beginning of a major shift that nudged my rigid wall of anger just enough that I could see past my husband and peer into deeper shadows. The image of the little candle held in the dark was one I had used before, as an eight-year-old child when I had endured a sustained violent and sexual attack by a man three times my age. Unable to escape, as a child, I took refuge in this image of the candle of forgiveness. I told myself that I might not even live to see another day but it would be okay if I just held fast to that light.
Author, 'Blackbird'
To forgive was to be divine and as a child, among my spanking clean brethren, I did forgive all those who had trespassed against me. As time passed though, the trespasses seemed to add up faster than my ability to forgive and pretty soon I was buried in what had gone wrong. That's when I started to wonder: just what was the point of wiping the slate clean? Cynicism set in.
~ ~ ~
The question of forgiveness has come up for me a lot these days. Along with millions of other couples out there in the U.S., a country that suffers from a startling divorce rate, I'm in the middle of couples counseling with my husband. We are determined to save our marriage. For him it's number two. For me, number three. The statistics aren't on our side. Second and third marriages have even higher failure rates than first marriages, according to Elizabeth Gilbert, who penned the book Committed about her own second marriage.
On one particular dark night, I went to sleep angry and woke up the same way. It had been like that for days, weeks and months. It hurt to be so pissed off at this man I called "husband" and an old lesson of forgiveness popped into my head. I thought, "just forgive him, Jennifer. Just try. Make it like a little candle you hold in a dark tunnel and keep your eye on that flame. Forgive him every five seconds if you have to but forgive."
This thought was the beginning of a major shift that nudged my rigid wall of anger just enough that I could see past my husband and peer into deeper shadows. The image of the little candle held in the dark was one I had used before, as an eight-year-old child when I had endured a sustained violent and sexual attack by a man three times my age. Unable to escape, as a child, I took refuge in this image of the candle of forgiveness. I told myself that I might not even live to see another day but it would be okay if I just held fast to that light.
~ ~ ~
It has taken time but I've learned from myself as that small child, who used forgiveness as a way to survive, that forgiveness isn't an idea and it certainly isn't something I need from a priest or even God. Even those who study forgiveness within the faith now tell us forgiveness is beyond the religious and the dogmatic.Monday, March 14, 2011
Love Wins: A New Split in Protestant Evangelicalism
Red Letter Christians
Over the past couple years we have seen a growing hostility between conservative and more legalistic traditions of Christianity here in the USA and the more progressive traditions who focus more on loving and serving others. This doesn’t cleanly break across strictly denominational lines either.
Watch.
Your witnessing something big right now.
Your witnessing a new split in Protestant Evangelicalism.
~ ~ ~
You’ll see two sides soon with a fairly slim middle. On one side you’ll have the Reformed Conservatives—entrenching and ‘expelling’ folks. On the other side you will see the Progressive Evangelicals—migrating toward work with mainline churches. This thing is going to split wide open.~ ~ ~
This may be the future of Evangelicalism—and we may all be witnessing the tipping poin. [Full Article]
Why Love Rarely Wins (Sorry Rob Bell)
"In my work with churches, I find that most Christians agree that we should unite across ethnic, linguistic and socio-economic lines. Few people have a problem with this idea (at least in theory). However, Christians bristle at the suggestion of unity across theological divisions. Armed with the belief that our perspective is entirely right, we easily come up with reasons why other perspectives aren’t valuable and why dissenting voices should be extinguished."
~ ~ ~1. We hate ambiguity.
"Back in the 1950s, Fritz Heider referred to all humans as naïve psychologists. Whether we are trained in psychology or not, we have a strong need to make sense of this confusing world so that we can exert control in our lives and make informed choices about the future. To this end, we are constantly analyzing situations, trying to predict the behavior of others and pinpoint answers to complex philosophical questions. As a result, we have a strong aversion to ambiguity."
~ ~ ~2. We hate black sheep."Social identity researchers have found that ideological distinctions are so crucial to differentiating groups that groups have a special hatred for other group members who for the most part act like normal group members but do not “toe the party line” on one or two issues. This effect is called the black sheep effect and is based on the idea that nongroup members are supposed to disagree with us. As such, we are not as threatened by their disagreement. If anything, their disagreement with us further distinguishes us from them."
~ ~ ~Conclusion
"In theory, our common group membership as Christians should supersede theological distinctions, thus overriding these nasty group processes. However, anyone who spends any time on Twitter knows that this is not yet the case."
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