Ugly Brides make for Ugly Children

Let me start off by saying that I am NOT a theologian nor do I want to be one. I am not one to argue biblical translations or inerrancy. I do NOT view Christian scripture as a contract whereby all parties must accept it as holy writ to be enacted as law or to rule over us. I firmly believe in a living God that is perfectly capable of communicating with humanity in diverse and creative ways IN ADDITION to the written and heavily translated words of the Holy Bible. Getting antsy yet?

I DO believe that the scripture I’ve studied and made a part of my life for the last 35 years (the Protestant Bible, usually NIV although I discovered The Message version several years ago and prefer it most of the time) has been a foundational piece to my development and existence. Having said that—I feel compelled to confess that I do NOT worship the Bible and am quite sure that without its existence I would be the same believer in God that I am today. To me, the Bible is not the cornerstone of my faith—Jesus is.

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I mash up metaphors like a child squishing together different colors of play-doh. Sometime I mash them all up so brutally that the individual colors disappear and the result is a brown ball of logic which resembles a philosophical turd. I know this about myself. I will never be cured and have no hopes of growing out of this “phase”. It is part of what makes me impatient with predictable movies, transparent poetry, and redactive biblical teaching. If I’m an expert on anything, it is this—I know a mixed metaphor when I see one.

"If we can hit that bullseye then the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... Checkmate." – Futurama character Zapp Brannigan

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God as Father = metaphor

Jesus as Son = metaphor

Church as Bride = metaphor

Christians as Children = metaphor

Each metaphor standing alone serves as a useful tool to express or explain a complex relationship. All of them mixed up into a single thread of logic become a philosophical, spiritual, and relational turd. With that said, I shift my attention to the Church as Bride of Christ metaphor because it seems to be the only one in this particular grouping that proves to be more counterproductive than the rest due, in part, to the fact that it is biblically inferred but never directly defined in scripture.[1]

The reason I’ve decided to reject the Bride of Christ metaphor is because of the way that it is used not because of the validity of the claim. The validity of the claim I will leave to the theologians.

As long as there is criticism of mainstream Christian religion there will be a cry of, “how dare you defame the Bride of Christ!” As long as there is criticism of institutional Christianity there will be shouts of, “we must protect the Bride of Christ at all costs!” And as long as there are challenges to the rules, expectations, loyalty, and grace of traditional modes of Christianity there will be placards that read, “Save the Bride—keep her pure!”

It’s a very useful slogan/belief when calling our brothers to arms in defense of values and beliefs that have traditionally served us well. It’s also very useful as a fence to keep sheep from straying into other pastures. Because as soon as we convince each other that the holy Bride of Christ is the most important thing in all of God’s creation and we put on our t-shirt that designates us as a member of the holy Bride of Christ then by way of deduction we define ourselves as God’s favored/chosen group. Once you’re a part of God’s chosen group then you don’t want to go rogue and challenge too much of the status quo. Otherwise, you might wind up on the “outside” looking in wondering all the while when the Child of God metaphor is going to kick in.

Wait! I though you said I was a Child of God which means God is my Father. Then you told me that accepting God’s Son (Jesus) as my Lord and Savior made me part of the Bride of Christ. Now you’re gonna tell me that we’re all supposed to marry the Son of our Father which should encourage us to remain pure (unmolested by culture)? Pure? It all sounds pretty incestuous to me—where’s the door?

If you’ve been around Christian teaching for more than a couple years you’re not bothered by the brown color which develops from mashing all of this up. As a matter of fact, you’re quite turned off by my flippant way of making a point above. But if you’re not use to drinking the doctrinal kool-aid like the rest of us, you tend to think that Christians are some of the most screwed up, demented, cognitively delusional people in the world. And I think that in many ways we are. But the delusion isn’t our God—it’s our perception of God and the funky little box that we package him in called religion.

If the very means by which we teach people about God creates a barrier between them and understanding or believing in God then don’t you think Screwtape props his feet up on his desk, places his hands behind his head, and takes a joyful little sigh of gratitude?

I think it’s time to rethink some of our beliefs. I think that laziness has led us to accept whatever the religious machine is producing. I think that thinking for ourselves and being intellectually honest by way of applying our individual life experiences and logic are ways of opening up a line of communication with God allowing us to experience the totality of a benevolent loving creator outside the confines of an institutionally sanctioned package.

I think it’s time to believe in God with our hearts and by doings so diminish the noise in our heads that leads us to create our own packages for our little Gods to live in. It’s called embracing our spirituality and trusting God’s presence (or Holy Spirit) in our hearts.

Risky—yes.

Scary—a bit.

Rewarding—beyond belief!

PAC - Parent Adult Child

There’s something very important I’m beginning to understand about myself that defines my relationship with God and Christianity. It affects the way I relate to the world around me and the way that I visualize myself in that world. I would not say that it encompasses all of who I am or all of who I strive to be, but this new revelation about how I’m wired is beginning to answer a lot of questions that I’ve had for most of my life. My hope has always been that by understanding more of the WHY I am the way that I am I can understand the WHO I am as a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. Likewise, the thought is always that understanding the WHO I am will lead to a greater understanding of the WHAT I have to offer to those around me and the WHEN it all needs to take place.

Psychologically, I’ve been an “adult” since the age of about 11. Now, I’m not going to go into all the reasons behind why I think I missed out on much of my potential adolescence or childhood because I don’t think those reasons are the point of what I’m trying to get at. Besides, in some sectors of the world the expectations of 13 – 15 year old boys is to begin taking on the responsibilities of men and I’m not about to approach whether or not these types of cultural expectations of the universal male population are either good or bad—healthy or destructive.

At about 9 years old, my nurturing as a child figure in our household ceased and was replaced with the reality that I would soon begin to have to start taking care of myself more and more. Many of us, both men and women, have travelled this road. Again, the reasons why are varied, but the outcome is similar—we had to grow up way faster than many of those around us whether we wanted to or not. It just is what it is. It’s called survival.

Here’s the point—when you spend the first 9 years of your life being a child, the next 2 years of your life transitioning to adult, and everything thereafter as a functioning adult you DO NOT relate well to the Child ego state.

Child ("archaeopsyche"): a state in which people behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy.

Likewise, when you haven’t been parented (raised and nurtured) since you skipped into double digits you fail to possess a solidpoint of reference for the Parent ego state.

Parent ("exteropsyche"): a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent's actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked.

When you spend 9 – 11 years as a child and the next 30 + as an adult you tend to understand only one of the three ego states well—the Adult one.

Adult ("neopsyche"): a state of the ego which is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that could affect its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of Transactional Analysis. While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality.

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Yeah, I know, it’s all a bunch of psycho-babble used to explain the ways we humans interact with one another. But something occurred to me recently—this type of analysis explains a great deal about how I relate to God and why I do not jive with contemporary forms of mainstream Christianity as expressed through organized religion. Simply put, a light bulb went on over my head and I continue to discover deeper explanations about what makes me function the way that I do.

Plain and simple, I relate to God as Adult to Adult. I view Jesus as a physical representation of God (Jn 14:7). Therefore, I relate to the concept, presence, and embodiment of my enigmatic creator as one adult to another adult just as his disciples related to Jesus. This explains a great deal about why the congregational brick and mortar design of “church” causes me to sit there in my pew or chair and stare without comprehension at someone teaching from a Parent ego to a group of people consensually receiving said teaching using their Child ego state. Likewise, the religious role of God as Father (presuming a Parent ego) to us as His children (presuming a Child ego) does nothing for my personal expression of Adult to Adult relationship with my enigmatic creator.

Look, I understand how the Parent ego works as I am a loving father. I understand how the Child ego works as I’ve spent many times flat on my face crying out to God for an escape or rescue. But I don’t live there. I have chosen not to consistently function outside of my very comfortable and well-established Adult ego for a multitude of reasons—one of which is that I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be Adult everywhere else in my life and, yet, participate as Child when I’m encountering God in a church-type setting. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

I’m an Adult that does not apologize for enjoying alcohol. I’m an Adult that does not apologize for using foul language when it is appropriate (and, yes, it IS appropriate from time to time). I’m an Adult who thoroughly loves the company of what most would consider “unbelievers” by the standards of religious Christianity over the company of church-fed Christians any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I’m an Adult that talks to God the same way that I talk to my Stepdad—like the true friend, confidant, mentor, and loyal brother that he is. No, my stepdad is not my biological brother—sheesh!

How do you think this type of relationship works when you walk into a congregational setting in a mainstream church of today? Let me tell you, unless you’re ready to flex a great deal and pretend to be someone else it not only creates a great deal of frustration for your pastors and others in the crowd but it ultimately leads to confusion, animosity, and a final rejection by the very people who profess to have your best interests at heart. It just doesn’t work.

So here is how this hypothesis works—I believe that many of us are rejecting the Parental role of religion in our lives because we don’t want to have to separate our spiritual self from our physical self anymore. I believe that the only way to effectively function within the religiously defined role of mainstream Christianity is to accept the role of Child and uphold the institutional “church” as the acting Parent in lieu of an absentee God—Creator—Father.

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Next up, I get into the dynamics of God (Father) – Jesus (Son) – Church (Bride) – Us (God’s children) as it relates to rules, expectations, loyalty, and grace. Wow, I hope I’m up for that one.

How am I doing so far? Believe me, it gets deeper still. You might have to choose between the Red pill and the Blue pill if you travel this road with me much further. A proper pint or a glass of wine might be in order to wash that pill down.

Gas pump christianity

I’d like to have a clear and concise explanation ready for friends and family that wonder why I don’t attend church any longer. I’d like to explain that it’s not all about being wounded by church-folk. I’d like to explain that it’s not about my rebellious streak. I’d like to explain that it’s not some kind of narcissistic bent toward self-fulfillment and a rejection of sacrifice. I’d like to explain that it’s not about rejecting the tenets of Christianity. I’d like to explain that it’s not about rejecting Jesus.

I’d like to explain that it IS about a rejection of idolatry.

The more I’ve prayed—studied—discussed the more I’ve come to understand that God is power, truth, and love. Power, Truth, and Love—where these things are present God is involved.

Maybe I’m always in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the vast majority of what I’ve experienced in 20 years of serving in a variety of Christian church congregations has been suspiciously absent of power, truth, or love. And when I’ve voiced this concern I’ve inevitably been written off and ignored by fellow Christians and labeled as one of “weak faith.”

Okay, so if my faith is weak, what faith are we talking about? My faith in the sovereignty of God is strong. My faith in the sacrifice and teaching of Jesus Christ is strong. My faith in the value of community is strong. My faith in the expression of love via service, kindness, respect, and loyalty is strong. However, I have no faith in the belief system we’ve constructed—zero—zilch—null—nada.

The set of beliefs and practices we’ve all come to know as Christianity are just that – a set of beliefs. Our belief systems are NOT God. They attempt to explain and promote God, but they are NOT God.

The Christianity that I reject is the one that worships the belief system. The Christianity that I embrace is the one that promotes a real relationship with an enigmatic creator as expressed through the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This real relationship is NOT expressed through church attendance, tithing, and/or Bible study. That is not to say that these things are bad or void of value, but they are NOT how I experience relationship with my enigmatic creator.

Idolatry—to honor or revere anything in place of God.

By my definition to honor or revere Christianity, scripture, values, beliefs, etc. constitutes idolatry the same as those nutty Jews that created a golden calf to worship while Moses was up top receiving the commandments from God. Is it really that far-fetched to consider the possibility that the absence of power and imminent decline of mainstream Christianity in America could be due to our worship of Christianity (religion) in place of a real relationship with God?

Congregational expressions of faith in a brick and mortar church building can be a gas pump where we fuel up. But what we’re after is the fuel—the power—the truth—the love. The problem is that the most ardent defenders of religious Christianity are those that honor and revere the pump instead of the fuel it delivers. I’ve found a pond of fuel in a field and I’ve sold everything I own in order to buy that field (Matt 13:44).

I’d like to have a clear and concise explanation ready for friends and family that wonder why I don’t attend church any longer. I’d like to be able to explain that I’ve sifted through my beliefs and pinpointed the things that show signs of power, truth, and love. I’d like to be able to explain that these are the only beliefs that I honor or revere, but I refuse to honor or revere them in place of an enigmatic creator. I’d like to be understood and accepted even though my perspective is challenging, dynamic, and fluid.

I’d like to be able to articulate what it means to me to follow Christ as opposed to selling Christianity. But I’ve become keenly aware that my inability to communicate these experiences via a nice neat package shows signs of the very enigmatic creator that I profess to follow.

I’ve discovered that gas pump Christians never travel far from their gas station even when the pump has run dry.  I pity them. I truly do.

Wind of Change

The atmosphere surrounding contemporary modes of Western Christianity is like a fogbank of uncertainty and criticism. We are antsy about the decline of mainstream Christianity. Tradition tells us that certain fundamentals are necessary to uphold the integrity of our beliefs. Fundamentalists champion the beliefs that they rely on as the “rock” upon which their house is built. In contrast, challengers of the fundamentals come off as relativists bearing homemade signs that read “OCCUPY THE CHURCH”. The lines have been drawn. Weapons have been chosen. The conflict is real.

Does any of it really matter? I don’t know—maybe not. But the sense that I get from meeting with laity and clergy ages 45 and under is that traditional means of Christianity are proving less and less relevant to their personal lives and to the world around us, in general. Is it fair to simply dismiss this perception as the lazy misguided apathy of an “occupy” generation anxious to engage life from a relativistic perspective? Can we afford to write off these folks who have become more and more accepting of homosexual lifestyles and impressed by secular movements of social change?

Righteous indignation—acting in accord with divine or moral law. What happens when each group professes contradictory divine or moral law? Does the advantage always go to the traditional sect of belief based on seniority?

Revolution—a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time. Is traditional Christianity in the throes of a revolution? I would suggest that the shift in power has already taken place. I think that deep in the heart of each Christian, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, is the sense that mainstream, mainline, main street Christianity is floundering about like a kite searching for wind.  The power is gone. The power has shifted somewhere else. And if we’re completely honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge that our source of power is not bound by traditions, fundamentals, beliefs, or any of the comfortable ideas we’ve decorated our spiritual spaces with.

It’s all about conflict—conflict management—conflict negotiation—and ultimately conflict resolution—in turn followed by the next conflict. The challenge to my readers is to embrace the conflicts we’re faced with instead of isolating ourselves from them. Let us boldly embrace the ideas we are challenged by without fear of being infected by that which defies traditional fundamental values. Truth always wins out in the end. Because where there is truth there is power—and where there is power there will be wind to not only sustain the kite but enough wind to make the kite capable of yanking us into the heavens.

The Dude abides...

Okay, this is gonna be a stretch, but I was really inspired by the book I read last night to my daughter at bedtime. She picked it out from the library. I bought her a copy for Christmas 15 minutes after I tucked her in and closed her door.

Storyline: The Princess loses 7 of her 8 prized ponies to a giant. Motorcycle Dude shows up with samurai sword and a Harley. Princess makes golden thread and uses it to pay Dude to protect her remaining pony. Dude fashions invisibility cloak out of golden thread. Princess pumps iron and becomes warrior princess. Both of them use the cloak to defeat the giant. They wind up getting married and having a kid. The end.

Storytellers: It’s a boy and a girl that have been teamed up as part of a class project to collaborate on developing a story together to present to the class.

The girl wants the story to be about the beautiful princess living in a castle with beautiful ponies and a staff of servants.

The boy wants the story to be about a cool mc dude wielding weapons and acting as a hired bodyguard. Also, the boy’s version of the giant was so grotesque that my daughter asked me to cover the giant on the page with my hand while reading from those few pages. You gotta love it!

There are so many ways I can go with this story that I had to write some of them down.

•  Two seemingly incompatible stories make a much more interesting and valuable collaborative tale.
• What is valuable to one person isn’t always valuable to another. The Princess valued the ponies. The Dude valued the gold.
•  The Princess’ giant was just a large man able to pick up a horse in his hand. The Dude’s giant was a hulking monster with rotten smelly teeth and green skin. The boy needs to emphasize how truly terrible the Dude’s giant is in order to fully enhance the Dude’s courage and physical prowess.
•  Oftentimes, the point of the story is NOT to rescue the ponies, but to build alliances with those that have different skill sets. The ultimate success of the story depends on more than any one player can bring to the situation.
• In the end, the success turns out to be something entirely unintentional…love.

I thought about me as the Dude and my wife as the Princess. I thought about the people I enjoy being around as the Dude and the people I associate with in Christian settings as the princess. I thought about the “world” as the Giant, the “Bride of Christ” as the Princess, and the victims of human depravity as the ponies. I thought about it all in light of my ongoing quest for the next frontier of Christian faith. But, at the end of the day, I decided that my over-analysis was stripping some of the importance from the story…the artwork.

I miss the art of life too often while dissecting the plot. I miss the value of the pictures. I miss the look on my daughter’s face as she listens to me read the words. I miss that this story is about love.

Anyway, it was a cool story. Especially for a dad that reads endless tales of fairies, princesses, unicorns, and mermaids to his daughter.

Maybe last night’s story could be about me as the Dude and my daughter as the Princess. And, in the end, we both win through the shared experience of a fun and exciting adventure. Yeah, I like that best. We defeated the giant and rescued the ponies! And we all lived happily ever after…or until tomorrow night’s story…

What kinds of things do you miss out on? Do you partner with others that may not share your goals? Which character do you want to be in the story?