Cloistered Mom

by Bonar Crump

I could never forgive you for all the times you hit me.

I could never forgive you for all the times you chose drugs over me.

I could never forgive you for making Dad’s death all about you.

I could never forgive you for treating me like an adult instead of a child.

I could never forgive you for giving my things to dealers for drugs.

I could never forgive you for making every day seem so dangerous and scary.

I could never forgive you for teaching me how to lie.

I could never forgive you for abandoning me.

I could never forgive you for wanting to kill yourself.

I could never forgive you for screaming in my face.

I could never forgive you for the hateful whispers in my ear.

I could never forgive you for ignoring me.

…but I’m trying to forgive…

I’ve been working to forgive you for all the ways that you failed.

It’s become easier with age as I’ve watched myself fail again and again.

It’s become more necessary now that I have a child to teach and love.

It’s become one of the central goals in my life.

I love you, mom.

I will never stop forgiving you.

I will never stop loving you.

I know that if you had the chance to take it all back you would.

I cherish the love you have for my child.

The love you have for her has made all the difference.

Thank you, God, for teaching me how to forgive.

Thank you, God, for teaching me how to love.

Thank you, God, for using my mom to teach me these things and more.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. We’re in this together.

Crackheads, Simple Theology, and a Better Passion

by Jason Boyett
via Rachel Held Evans

"Last month, I met three little girls who have been permanently removed from any contact with their father. You name the abuse, they endured it. It’s awful. So I have a hard time with people getting worked up about Calvinists or Arminians or Rob Bell being a heretic or Benny Hinn’s hair. There’s a lot more horrible things going on in this world deserving of our anger or passion. Of course, I also have a hard time telling those girls that God, in his sovereignty, ordained for them to have a horrible dad. But I can share with them my simple theology: 

This world is broken, full of sin and sickness and pain and trouble and evil. That all that bad stuff keeps us from having a relationship with God, a relationship He desires. That God sent His perfect Son the the earth, to teach us and show us and example on earth of what God is like. And, most importantly, to take all of that sin and pain and brokenness in the world onto his body and die on the cross for us, because He loves us, unconditionally, so that we can have a relationship with Him. And that we become his adopted kids, so that even though dads on this earth let us down, He’s a Dad who never will. And that once He has us, once we accept what Jesus did, then He never lets us go. That’s really all the theology needed, I think. 

In terms of works, I think reaching out to the least -- the broken, the hurting, the hungry, the poor -- is birthed out of the simple theology that the world is broken, but Jesus has fixed it and is fixing it, and for some crazy reason, trusts us humans to help with the healing. 

So, for these girls, I put that into action by helping their grandmother, who is raising them now, with whatever support she needs (financial, emotional, etc.). By spending time with them and modeling who a man is supposed to be. By getting them in touch with caring women who can show them love. By telling and showing them who Jesus is. 

It’s more simple than we’ve made it out to be, I think."

[Full Article] 

When “Doing Good” Isn’t Really “Doing Good.”

by Donald Miller

Chesterton said the idea of a sin nature is the only bit of Christian theology we can actually prove. And while there may be other bits of theology we can prove, I do agree the matter of sin nature is undeniable. That said, though, we commonly think of sin nature in remedial terms. Lying, stealing, cheating, these are all sins, while giving to charity or loving another person is not. But to classify sin so simply is to lessen the actual depravity we claim exists in man.

I’d take the idea a step further. I’d say total depravity fuels most of our good works, too. It’s rare to find a successful church or ministry that isn’t fueled by leadership that “needs” control or power or fame or even, sadly, the desire to be Godly, which can also be wrapped up in total depravity.

The difference rests in our motives, of course. Like any addiction, self addiction is a matter of motives and manipulation. Motives can be twisted and we can easily become deceived about why we do what we do. Do we love because we love, or do we love in order to be loved? The first is pure, the second isn’t any more selfless than not loving at all. When we love in order to get security, the person we are loving is just being used, and when we act righteously to gain a sense of security in our spiritual lives, our righteousness isn’t truly righteous. Maybe this is why Paul talks about his righteousness being like filthy rags. It’s all a con game, and the con isn’t so much on others as it is on ourselves.

Freedom from this isn’t easy, and unfortunately like that old Chinese finger trap, the more we try, the worse the situation gets.

The Bible talks about doing good works without our right hand knowing what our left hand is doing. I take this to mean, among other things, we should do the good things we do from a sense of outward flowing love, a love that first requires an inward flowing love. We rarely think of controlling the sin or the self-deceptive motives in our lives as something we stop by ignoring, but this is precisely what I’m recommending.

When we meditate on how much God loves us instead of on how loving we are, we tend to love others selflessly out of a feeling of completion, while if we meditate on how much we love others in order to get them to love us back, we love others out of a sense of compulsion or need. The same is true for our righteousness. When we think about how good we are, we may no longer be good. Instead, we can think about how good God is, and how much we are loved by Him, and then just live in the overflow of those truths. It’s tricky, but one is a prison and the other is freedom.

The good news is that our motives don’t really matter in the eternal scheme of things, at least not to us personally. As people who are one with Christ, God sees in us his son, and the righteousness of his son is the reason he interacts with us. So in loving others, we can be agents of God, loving others for God, through ourselves, rather than loving others for ourselves and through ourselves. It all sounds like mind gymnastics, but it doesn’t have to be that hard. The best thing I can do to love my friends is to think about and live within the truth that God loves me. This is the only way I can live and love without expecting a return on my investment. The real love will happen naturally once I understand my need is met. I don’t have to think about my motives at all.

[Full Article]

OKC Memorial Marathon

Margaret and I are very proud to be in OKC this weekend running the half marathon and participating in all of the Memorial Marathon activities with all of M's family (young and old). We run honoring the memory of agent Paul Ice. We are Team Ice and we have participants in every event of the marathon. Wish us well if you see us in our grey Team Ice shirts.

Beer-only fast ends with bacon smoothie

By Eric Marrapodi, CNN Belief Blog Co-Editor

(CNN) – J. Wilson has survived his 46-day beer-only fast and found some unexpected spiritual insights.

Wilson, who lives outside Des Moines, Iowa, was emulating a Lenten tradition carried out by German monks hundreds of years ago. In keeping with tradition he ate his last solid food on Ash Wednesday and broke his fast on Easter Sunday.

“I made a bacon smoothie and that’s what I broke the fast with,” Wilson said.

He slurped down the smoothie after midnight on the morning of Easter Sunday. He was up late for an interview with the BBC in London for their Easter Sunday broadcast

Wilson undertook the fast with medical advice from his doctor and spiritual advice from his pastor, after he conducted lengthy research into extended fasts.

In his research he found that smoothies were the best way to ease back into food. The plan was to go three days on smoothies before eating any solid foods.

~ ~ ~

Wilson said the spiritual takeaway was threefold:

– "I just don’t think we give ourselves enough credit to accomplish difficult tasks. I think our bodies are capable of more than we ask of [them]. And certainly in relation to willpower - willpower related to food or willpower of how you’re going to conduct yourself spiritually - I think we can do more.

– "I noticed early on a difference between needs and wants. The first thing I noticed even in that first week, I got to the spot on day three when I wasn’t hungry any more, physically hungry. The aroma of food would kind of zap me and I would desire the cheeseburger that I smell or somebody’s chicken noodle soup across the office. So I didn’t need it but I wanted it. So there’s a difference between needs and desires.

– "The real challenge is it’s one thing to subscribe to beliefs, religion or otherwise, it’s another thing to apply them to your life every moment of your life. Part of that whole monk in the world philosophy I was exploring is can you live like a monk or believe like a monk and still navigate our crazy world? The ongoing challenge is you’ve got these beliefs, now fine. Live it."

[Full Article]